love, beloved to say the least
sunshine amidst looming gray clouds
fleeting moments of bliss
I scream beneath covers, expressing as allowed
I swim deep in your soul
I follow, I flow
responsive to the simplest of cajole
in exchange from goodbye to hello
placid comfort between you and me
this is how it goes
time branded by mortality
should we tick friend or foe?
loving, holding, friendship and pain
perpetuating the idea to stay
hold on beautiful, smile to the heavens and feel the rain
this is what happens today
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
McDonalds
S: So are you in love with her?
J: I don't think I am still capable of feeling love, rather the thought of falling in love is way out of the question.
S: Don't you think that's a bit sad?
J: Well, I need her because she keeps me afloat. She straightens me up and leads the way to betterment and I on the other hand give her what she needs. Needs that come in the form of companionship, loyalty and what not.
S: What about love?
J: What about it? I don't think she'd miss out on that, hell I am constantly there so I doubt that she'd feel it. (me not loving her)
S: You know.... Love is a very powerful force that it would be hard to miss its absence.
J: I don't think I am still capable of feeling love, rather the thought of falling in love is way out of the question.
S: Don't you think that's a bit sad?
J: Well, I need her because she keeps me afloat. She straightens me up and leads the way to betterment and I on the other hand give her what she needs. Needs that come in the form of companionship, loyalty and what not.
S: What about love?
J: What about it? I don't think she'd miss out on that, hell I am constantly there so I doubt that she'd feel it. (me not loving her)
S: You know.... Love is a very powerful force that it would be hard to miss its absence.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind (now I am beginning to understand)
I was contemplating on my way from "school" this morning that I should again write, may it be in the form of poetry or free flowing stories of the like as long as I am writing away and encapsulating what I know is a start of a wonderful journey with myself and Them.
Them, a four letter word that has been passed on from mouth to mouth without so much reitiration and zest as I am about to embark on explaining what Them means to me.
Them.
(another revelation)
I have now decided to start a new thread of blogs, some poetry, some stories and bits and pieces of conversation from my day to day correspondence with life. nostalgia triggers.
so now to explain Them...
Ray of Sun - RS
Shailoe - S
S: dear.. would you by any chance have something on autism that I can borrow for a time?Btw, may utang pa tayo sa isat isa na inuman!
RS: hey shai! i have lots. actually, kirby gave me a book about it sweet boy. when do you want it? i also have clips of diet for autistic kids called the GFCF diet. mama stells once set me up a lunch with her sister-in-law who has an autistic son. why if i may ask? at yang inuman na yan, naku di lang kita iniimbita kasi i know you are in cloud nine so wag muna lagyan ng downers like alcohol. haha
S: huwhat?? I am in major need of alcohol! hahah. Well, I am planning to take sped in the very near future (hopefully things go my way) and I want to read on and understand in advance. I am now volunteering as an asst. teacher for a school for developmentally disabled persons (adults majority ages 14-30ish) and I desire to understand them in experience/practice as well as theory. So there...sweet naman nung mokong na yun!
RS: oh ok. hmmm. truthfully, the only autism book i hve ay yung binigay ni kirbs. haha. all others are clips and online na. so if you still want that one, game just set a date anytime next next week. sorry ang tagal. vacation sa hongkong with gani muna and qubry. wow. somehow hindi ako nagulat na you are doing that. but that is something else, working with ages 14-30. i can only wonder. where is this school? and how is it so far? very interesting. i really admire you and your endeavours shai. actually, what if you propose a documentary sa kanila. we can make one. noon ko pa gustong gumawa e about autism. but i just need a good material. naisip ko lang. before you go again.basta send me lang a message here. or text me 092---------. lets meet up soon. and gooood thing you are back. we will booze soon!
S: hmmmm... The documentary na alam kung nominated sa academy awards "Autism is a World". Not sure how to get hold of it nga lang.I am interested, a documentary ey... Hmmmn. Let me think of how we can go about it but I am really, really interested.Ja, I am flattered and at the same time relieved that I still have the capability to feel a tad proud of myself... Living haphazardly for too long makes this a possibility as I have been feeling a bit lost. Its called the New Horizons Center for the Developmentally Disabled Persons, they have I think 12 students all in all. 2 are mentally retarded, one of them is a Teacher Assistant at the school, Kevin his name is. I could picture talking to him for the rest of my life even if we talk almost about the same thing everytime I go there... wonderful, amazing guy. Our only girl, Billy Rose has down syndrome and I am hoping to be able to communicate and connect with her in time. The rest have autism, all eternal sunshines of the spotless mind. I am starting to fall inlove with them. :)*sigh*
hala indi na ko makapaghintay uminom, pagkasweldo at pagkagaling niyo ng HK. :) imbitahin natin si Calilong ;)
Them, a four letter word that has been passed on from mouth to mouth without so much reitiration and zest as I am about to embark on explaining what Them means to me.
Them.
(another revelation)
I have now decided to start a new thread of blogs, some poetry, some stories and bits and pieces of conversation from my day to day correspondence with life. nostalgia triggers.
so now to explain Them...
Ray of Sun - RS
Shailoe - S
S: dear.. would you by any chance have something on autism that I can borrow for a time?Btw, may utang pa tayo sa isat isa na inuman!
RS: hey shai! i have lots. actually, kirby gave me a book about it sweet boy. when do you want it? i also have clips of diet for autistic kids called the GFCF diet. mama stells once set me up a lunch with her sister-in-law who has an autistic son. why if i may ask? at yang inuman na yan, naku di lang kita iniimbita kasi i know you are in cloud nine so wag muna lagyan ng downers like alcohol. haha
S: huwhat?? I am in major need of alcohol! hahah. Well, I am planning to take sped in the very near future (hopefully things go my way) and I want to read on and understand in advance. I am now volunteering as an asst. teacher for a school for developmentally disabled persons (adults majority ages 14-30ish) and I desire to understand them in experience/practice as well as theory. So there...sweet naman nung mokong na yun!
RS: oh ok. hmmm. truthfully, the only autism book i hve ay yung binigay ni kirbs. haha. all others are clips and online na. so if you still want that one, game just set a date anytime next next week. sorry ang tagal. vacation sa hongkong with gani muna and qubry. wow. somehow hindi ako nagulat na you are doing that. but that is something else, working with ages 14-30. i can only wonder. where is this school? and how is it so far? very interesting. i really admire you and your endeavours shai. actually, what if you propose a documentary sa kanila. we can make one. noon ko pa gustong gumawa e about autism. but i just need a good material. naisip ko lang. before you go again.basta send me lang a message here. or text me 092---------. lets meet up soon. and gooood thing you are back. we will booze soon!
S: hmmmm... The documentary na alam kung nominated sa academy awards "Autism is a World". Not sure how to get hold of it nga lang.I am interested, a documentary ey... Hmmmn. Let me think of how we can go about it but I am really, really interested.Ja, I am flattered and at the same time relieved that I still have the capability to feel a tad proud of myself... Living haphazardly for too long makes this a possibility as I have been feeling a bit lost. Its called the New Horizons Center for the Developmentally Disabled Persons, they have I think 12 students all in all. 2 are mentally retarded, one of them is a Teacher Assistant at the school, Kevin his name is. I could picture talking to him for the rest of my life even if we talk almost about the same thing everytime I go there... wonderful, amazing guy. Our only girl, Billy Rose has down syndrome and I am hoping to be able to communicate and connect with her in time. The rest have autism, all eternal sunshines of the spotless mind. I am starting to fall inlove with them. :)*sigh*
hala indi na ko makapaghintay uminom, pagkasweldo at pagkagaling niyo ng HK. :) imbitahin natin si Calilong ;)
Friday, September 26, 2008
The Invitation
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can dissapoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusations of betrayal and not betray your own soul.; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from inside, when all else falls away.
I wnat to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can dissapoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusations of betrayal and not betray your own soul.; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from inside, when all else falls away.
I wnat to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Long Distance Relationship
*sigh*
Mahirap magmahal nang sadya kung ang iyong minamahal ay iloang milyong kilometro mula sayo.
Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, Shaie easy ka lang... remember if you wont trust him, things wont work out.
But what if he gave you the reason not to trust him in the first place? what if your trust is clouted with doubt which ultimately serves to be pretty ironic in itself. Eh di nagkagulogulo na. Paano pa hindi lalala kung nahihirapan kayo to keep in contact with each other, no time, no chance or quite frankly no effort?
I have never been this patient in my life, in terms of being in a relationship that is. I have never been so intent on putting so much effort into making sure I let him know that I'm just here. Oh dear.
I wrote him a long letter last night telling him how I was feeling these past few days, poured my heart out thinkng that I was just being honest. Nothing more, nothing less. Then asked my sister to read it... "Alas! sister you have become cynical, you have become your own monster. You have become the bane of your existence... "
To which I replied, "why so? I am just merely expressing my rants about the situation, didn't you notice that I tried to balance it out with a little bit of blush?"
"well, you have but that ultimately has been overshadowed by the weight of your indulgence in misery and self pity."
To which again, I replied. "Oh shit! Fuckin L!!! how do you retract this thing? shit! shit! shit!"
Namroblema ako, letche! malay ko bang hindi mo na pwede bawiin yung email na pinadala mo? susmaryosep! So now, I have been contemplating as to whether this relationship is healthy for me? Hindi ko muna siya iisipin, sarili ko muna. At puro siya na lang. I ask myself now, am I really up for this?
I wrote him a letter about these questions and will post them soon.
I ask myself every now and then, am I really happy or am I just convincing myself that I am? Do I say that he is the one to satisfy the longing or is this immediate gratification of a cynical paradigm.
more of this after I finish my responsibilities as a job hunter...
xox
Mahirap magmahal nang sadya kung ang iyong minamahal ay iloang milyong kilometro mula sayo.
Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, Shaie easy ka lang... remember if you wont trust him, things wont work out.
But what if he gave you the reason not to trust him in the first place? what if your trust is clouted with doubt which ultimately serves to be pretty ironic in itself. Eh di nagkagulogulo na. Paano pa hindi lalala kung nahihirapan kayo to keep in contact with each other, no time, no chance or quite frankly no effort?
I have never been this patient in my life, in terms of being in a relationship that is. I have never been so intent on putting so much effort into making sure I let him know that I'm just here. Oh dear.
I wrote him a long letter last night telling him how I was feeling these past few days, poured my heart out thinkng that I was just being honest. Nothing more, nothing less. Then asked my sister to read it... "Alas! sister you have become cynical, you have become your own monster. You have become the bane of your existence... "
To which I replied, "why so? I am just merely expressing my rants about the situation, didn't you notice that I tried to balance it out with a little bit of blush?"
"well, you have but that ultimately has been overshadowed by the weight of your indulgence in misery and self pity."
To which again, I replied. "Oh shit! Fuckin L!!! how do you retract this thing? shit! shit! shit!"
Namroblema ako, letche! malay ko bang hindi mo na pwede bawiin yung email na pinadala mo? susmaryosep! So now, I have been contemplating as to whether this relationship is healthy for me? Hindi ko muna siya iisipin, sarili ko muna. At puro siya na lang. I ask myself now, am I really up for this?
I wrote him a letter about these questions and will post them soon.
I ask myself every now and then, am I really happy or am I just convincing myself that I am? Do I say that he is the one to satisfy the longing or is this immediate gratification of a cynical paradigm.
more of this after I finish my responsibilities as a job hunter...
xox
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
you
" I believe that you are great, that there is something magnificent about you. Regardless of what has happened to you and your life. Regardless of you how young or old you think you might be. The moment you begin to think properly is something that is within you and the world. It will begin to emerge, it will take over your life. It will feed you, it will clothe you, it will guide you, protect you, direct you, sustain your very existence if you let it."
Feel Good!
Feel Good!
to be negative is to aspire nothingness
fulfillment down to emptiness
a smile turned to a frown
once high, turned upsidedown
what do you do when you think that the world has abandoned you? Leaving only a sliver of light big enough to peek in and tease your apetite.
where do you go when you're bound to run around in circles?
What do you say when you're not making sense anymore?
fulfillment down to emptiness
a smile turned to a frown
once high, turned upsidedown
what do you do when you think that the world has abandoned you? Leaving only a sliver of light big enough to peek in and tease your apetite.
where do you go when you're bound to run around in circles?
What do you say when you're not making sense anymore?
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