The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusations of betrayal and not betray your own soul.; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from inside, when all else falls away.

I wnat to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Long Distance Relationship

*sigh*

Mahirap magmahal nang sadya kung ang iyong minamahal ay iloang milyong kilometro mula sayo.

Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, Shaie easy ka lang... remember if you wont trust him, things wont work out.

But what if he gave you the reason not to trust him in the first place? what if your trust is clouted with doubt which ultimately serves to be pretty ironic in itself. Eh di nagkagulogulo na. Paano pa hindi lalala kung nahihirapan kayo to keep in contact with each other, no time, no chance or quite frankly no effort?

I have never been this patient in my life, in terms of being in a relationship that is. I have never been so intent on putting so much effort into making sure I let him know that I'm just here. Oh dear.

I wrote him a long letter last night telling him how I was feeling these past few days, poured my heart out thinkng that I was just being honest. Nothing more, nothing less. Then asked my sister to read it... "Alas! sister you have become cynical, you have become your own monster. You have become the bane of your existence... "

To which I replied, "why so? I am just merely expressing my rants about the situation, didn't you notice that I tried to balance it out with a little bit of blush?"

"well, you have but that ultimately has been overshadowed by the weight of your indulgence in misery and self pity."

To which again, I replied. "Oh shit! Fuckin L!!! how do you retract this thing? shit! shit! shit!"

Namroblema ako, letche! malay ko bang hindi mo na pwede bawiin yung email na pinadala mo? susmaryosep! So now, I have been contemplating as to whether this relationship is healthy for me? Hindi ko muna siya iisipin, sarili ko muna. At puro siya na lang. I ask myself now, am I really up for this?

I wrote him a letter about these questions and will post them soon.

I ask myself every now and then, am I really happy or am I just convincing myself that I am? Do I say that he is the one to satisfy the longing or is this immediate gratification of a cynical paradigm.

more of this after I finish my responsibilities as a job hunter...

xox

you

" I believe that you are great, that there is something magnificent about you. Regardless of what has happened to you and your life. Regardless of you how young or old you think you might be. The moment you begin to think properly is something that is within you and the world. It will begin to emerge, it will take over your life. It will feed you, it will clothe you, it will guide you, protect you, direct you, sustain your very existence if you let it."

Feel Good!

to be negative is to aspire nothingness
fulfillment down to emptiness
a smile turned to a frown
once high, turned upsidedown

what do you do when you think that the world has abandoned you? Leaving only a sliver of light big enough to peek in and tease your apetite.

where do you go when you're bound to run around in circles?

What do you say when you're not making sense anymore?

inspiration tell stories of history and a predicament of the future
it builds up, storming about into a rage
of defiance, prowess and passion
the delight it gives that tickle the pallet and please the soul


giving shape to life
as thick as the earth that moves you
as thin as the ice that melts on the palm of your hand
an exhibition of exquisite taste, move and style

questions number 1

to love oneself is another way of keeping yourself sane and adaptable to what is around you
but would it make things clearer to understand
when would you know if you truly love yourself?
where do you draw the line between love of oneself, cowardice and selfishness...

And who says sanity is sanity and insanity is insanity?

Do we fight the future or accept the inevitable?

we say we want each other, we say we want things to work out and we want to fight for it, but why cant we fight what is to come? the future untold.

echo

what if I tell you to stay, if I bound you in my reality
what if I tell you to listen and linger, to try and break
the truth that my heart tries hard to set free
blankly staring through the state of pitch black madness

would you submit to my wanting, craving and need
would you place your hand, shape to a cup and anticipate my tears
trace my face with the tips of your fingers and breathe the air
that I breathe in

will you believe me if I have settled wanting you
will you look at me, smile with your arms wide open
say that you'll stay and place your hand next to mine
then we would set off with the stars complimenting the moment

I love you, I know I do
I want you, I know I do
I need you, I know I do
In the morning will you love, want and need me too?